10/22/99: And Now For Something Completely Different....part E
by Kaiburr
 

<DR. DAVID MORROW, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Liam Neeson, sits,
talking into a tape recorder.>

DR. DAVID MORROW:  ... And the third subject, Nell Vance, is showing
increasing signs of fear-induced psychoses...

<frustrated, MORROW throws down the tape recorder and stands.>

MORROW:  I never wanted to be a psychologist, writing up research grants and
asking people about their dull childhoods!  I wanted to be... a Jedi Knight!
Flying from planet to planet battling evil and getting laid.  Meeting the
Wookie, the Mon Calamari, those drooling Hutts.  My magnificent lightsabre,
and that annoying little muppet, Yoda.

<a crew member comes from offscreen to help MORROW/QUI-GON into a Jedi robe.
They also hand him a lightsabre, then leave.>

MORROW/QUI-GON:  With my padawan <OBI-WAN comes on, gazing up at QUI-GON with hero worship/lust in his eyes.>  by my side, we'd sing, sing, SING!

<singing>
I'm a Jedi Knight and I'm okay
The Force will be with me every day

<the JEDI COUNCIL appears and sings the chorus.>

JEDI COUNCIL:
He's a Jedi Knight and he's okay
The Force will be with him every day

MORROW/QUI-GON:
I meditate,
I mediate
I frustrate the council who
can't stand my maverick attitude
but they're just full of poodoo.

JEDI COUNCIL:
He meditates,
he mediates
He frustrates the council who
can't stand his maverick attitude
but they're just full of poodoo.
He's a Jedi Knight and he's okay
The Force will be with him every day.

MORROW/QUI-GON:
I teach Obi-Wan
I protect the Queen
I buy parts in Mos Espa
I put on women's clothing
and hang out in cantinas.

JEDI COUNCIL:
He teaches Obi-Wan
He protects the Queen
he buys parts in Mos Espa
He puts on women's clothing
and hangs out in cantinas
He's a Jedi Knight and he's okay
the Force will be with him every day.

QUI-GON
I fight the Sith,
I wear high heels
suspenders and a bra
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like Master Yoda!

JEDI COUNCIL
He fights the Sith
He wears high heels
suspenders and a bra...?

<their singing trails off as they realise just what the lyrics are.>

OBI-WAN: Oh, Master!  And I thought you were so BUTCH!  <runs off camera.>

****THE END  (or is it?)****
 
 

Kaiburr has obviously suffered a relapse, and should be kept away from sharp objects like saxophones and Buicks. Tell her so at KwanYin4@aol.com