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04/08/01: I knew in my heart that I'd never be afraid again Prologue The voices consumed her. She now had the thoughts, feelings, and hopes
of anyone and everyone around her. Soon after Annie's death, there became
no separation between her own thoughts and the voices.
Her parents believed that Annie's death was solely responsible for
placing their little girl in her personal solitude. They did not understand
that the tears that covered her cheeks at night were not just there
because she was depressed over Annie's death, the tears were also there
because of the voices she could not run away from.
In the year between her eleven and twelve birthday, her parents invited
over twenty-six of Professor Grey's colleagues to see if they could
cure their daughter. The couple, for what ever reason, believed that
there was some "miracle cure" for Jean's clinical depression, even when
Professor Grey's colleagues told them outright that they could do nothing
until Jean came out of her self-induced living coma. That was the diagnosis
all of Professor Grey's colleagues had given him. She would not speak;
she would not move; she would not eat; she would just stare for hours
on end at the wall.
Her parents were placed in charge of making sure to feed her, clothe
her, and to make sure that her personal needs were met, even when she
asked for none. The Grey family celebrated holidays and birthdays around
their daughter. The Grey's did the best they possibly could with what
they knew in trying to make their baby (and themselves) feel everything
was perfectly normal. But everything was not perfectly normal.
The seasons changed around her and she could do nothing. Jean was now
old enough to join Sara at junior high but she could not: Her mind would
not let her.
As almost a beacon in the darkness, he came. He was the Grey's last
hope. There was no one left to turn to. This sole man promised the world
to the Grey's. He told them that there was in fact hope for their daughter.
He also told them something they had not even had expected: Their daughter
was a Mutant. To the Grey's, it did not matter that their daughter was
a Mutant.
This was a time before Senator Robert Kelly, before Presidential Candidate
Graydon Creed, before the formation of the FoH. This was a time when
the world "Mutant" was not quite a household word. Even though the Grey's
knew their daughter was different, there was nothing to fear, because
she was still their little girl, and they would do anything for her.
On the first meeting with Professor Charles Francis Xavier at their
house on Annadale-on-Hudson, it did not surprise the Grey's that Xavier
wanted to take their baby girl from them for a little while. He told
them that he would have better success if he spent time with her at
his mansion in Westchester County. Xavier felt that he would be more
successful with Jean at his mansion because it was a change of surrounding
for her, and at the mansion, he had the equipment he needed to aid her
with; The Grey's agreed likewise.
Jean was seated in her room, in a chair, by the window the day that
Xavier came over. After meeting with Jean's family Xavier wheeled himself
into Jean's room where he saw her quietly sitting; her eyes were locked
on the autumn colors outside. It would start to get cold soon. The beginning
of autumn was drawing near. A year had passed since Annie's death, but
Jean had no recollection of the time; it was all just a blur to her.
Xavier stopped right beside Jean. She looked quite frail, like a china
doll. She looked like any sudden movement to her person would break
her. Her long red hair was pulled back in a tight braid. Her skin was
pale from lack of outside activity. Her clothes hung on her due to the
amount of weight she had dropped.
Jean came aware that someone was next to her, but not because of the
sudden appearance of another voice in her head, but because of the squeak
that came from one of the tires on his wheel chair. The person was strange
in that way because she could not hear his thoughts.
"Jean, look at me," he said in a soft tone, both out loud and in her
head. No response. Not even an acknowledgment that she had heard him.
"Jean, my name is Professor Charles Xavier, I came here to help you.
What I need from you is some sign from you that tells me that you can
understand what I am saying."
His voice was clear and louder compared to all of the other voices
in her head. She turned to face him slowly. A smile spread across his
face, as well as the faces of John and Elaine Grey from where they stood
in the doorway.
"Good. Now Jean, I am about to do something to you, but do not be
afraid; you are going to be all right." He took his hands and placed
them, palm spread, on either side of her face. His palms were soft and
cool against her skin. He looked directly into her eyes. She started
feeling a weird sensation at the base of her skull that started to creep
up into the rest of her head. Suddenly, she felt the weird sensation
explode throughout her mind. Her mouth became agape and her eyes bulged
from their sockets.
Both John and Elaine had a look on their face that was a mixture of
surprise and fear. Xavier did not even break a sweat. Now within the
girl's mind, he started setting up mental barriers. The barriers would
lessen the intensity of the surface thoughts of others that were always
swimming in her head. She was more powerful than he could have ever
imagined. With the right training, and in the correct hands, she could
one day surpass his own ability.
With one last mental push, he finished the building process and opened
the barriers. Now activated, the thoughts in Jean's head started quieting
themselves. Xavier let go of the girl and leaned back into his chair.
It took Jean a moment to realize that the noise in her mind had lessened.
When she had realized the voices were not as loud, a large smile shown
on Jean's small pale face.
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Two days later...
Jean looked up at the large mansion. It was just so immense. The dark
mansion loomed over the grounds as the clouds hung in the sky. The clouds
were dark and drenching the grounds with a constant downpour. Jean shivered
as she walked with her umbrella as her only covering. There were chattering
whispers in the back of Jean's mind. None of the words the voices were
saying were recognizable. As much as she tried, she could not shut them
out. Professor Xavier told her to go inside and wait for him while the
car was being parked. Now on the porch, the mansion felt larger and
more scarier than before.
She bit down slightly on her lower lip as her hand quivered to reach
the door. She tugged on the doorknob slightly. The door opened making
a soft creak. Before entering, she turned to look behind her shoulder
to see if the professor was there.
He was not. She sighed and then she stepped across the threshold.
The inside of the mansion was nothing like the outside. It had a real
homeyness to it. For a moment, Jean wondered how it could be that way
when the professor lived alone. She started to make her way to where
the professor wanted her to go: The Day Room. As she made her way down
the corridor, she passed by photos and paintings of the generations
of the Xavier clan. One photograph caught Jean's eye. The photograph
was of a woman and a little boy. Both woman and child had light blond
hair and bright blue eyes. The woman was dressed in a white sun dress
with a floral print and a sun hat with a pink bow around it. Her long
blonde hair was tied back in a long ponytail that hung past her waist.
She was kneeling behind the boy with both of her arms draped affectionately
around him. The boy was standing proud, but with a smile as large as
his mothers. He was dressed in brown cutoff trousers that stopped at
the knee, and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up past his
elbows. They were situated in front of a lake with a boathouse behind
them. It was a nice day, with an almost clear blue sky in the background.
The blue was not as blue as it once has been because the photo was a
bit faded.
Jean could not take her eyes off of the photograph. The family looked
so happy. She could almost smell the scent of the spring grass she assumed
has been smelled when the photograph was taken.
"You like it?," asked a voice.
Jean jumped. She had not realized anyone had come in. She was so deep
in her own thoughts that she did not hear anyone else. "Ah...yes, I
do. They both are so happy."
"Back then, there were things to be happy about. I was about your age
when the photo was taken. Maybe a little younger."
"Ye were such a cutie when ye were a wee bairn, Charles," said a soft
female voice that Jean did not recognize. Jean was still transfixed
by the photograph.
"Moira, you said that every time you see it," Xavier replied almost
embarrassingly. He turned his attention back to Jean. "Jean, before
we go any further, I would like you to meet my colleague: Moira MacTaggert."
Jean turned away from the photograph and turned toward Professor Xavier.
Standing behind his metal wheelchair was an average height and average
build woman with short brown hair and light green eyes. She was dressed
in a white woven sweater and black leggings. She seems sort of plain,
but she also appeared to be warm and welcoming.
"It is a pleasure to meet ye, Jean. Professor Xavier had told me a
lot about ye."
"Hello, Ms. MacTaggert," Jean replied. "It is nice to meet you as
well." Jean was shy toward others. The professor and Ms. MacTaggert
both seemed nice but she was nervous; she was not used to being around
them. She had not gotten close to anyone since Annie died. To do so,
she would, once again, feel lost if they too died.
Xavier sensed Jean's awkwardness towards the situation. "Jean," he
said calmly. "How about you and I talk in the Day Room while Ms. MacTaggert
fixes us some hot cocoa?" He smiled.
Jean could not help but smile back. He still had the same happy smile
that he had in the photograph. "All right."
"Great." Xavier started wheeling down the hall. "This way."
The Day Room was rather small compared to the size Jean thought it
should be. The chairs were on either side of the room; one was on the
furthest left side of the room, the other on the furthest right side
of the room. Identical bookcases with five shelves full of books sat
next to the chairs. In the middle of the room, there was a small sixteen
inch television set with a overstuffed couch and a coffee table in front
of it. Xavier wheeled his way towards the couch as Jean entered behind
him, leaving the door open for Ms. MacTaggert. Xavier wheeled himself
around so that he would sit next to the arm of the chair.
Jean hesitated, then started for the couch. She carefully climbed
up onto the couch. Her eyes were on Xavier the entire time.
"Jean," he started. "I want to know what happened on the day Annie
was killed." Jean started to tense up. "Shhh...no need for that. I want
you to go at your own pace. We do not have to talk about it now, but
for you to gain control by yourself, you must face the fear."
Just thinking of "that night" would make Jean want to cry. A part of
herself had died that night. "I'm scared..." That was the first time
that she had announced her fear to anyone...someone who she was starting
to trust.
He placed his hands lightly on her shoulders. "I know you are, Jean.
Everything will be all right. I will help you every step of the way
until you are triumphant."
He seemed so certain. She did not want to disappoint him with how she
felt she was going to stay like this forever.
Xavier sensed her fear. He would not permit himself to pry into her
thoughts or memories. The feelings were so strong from her. She also
had no idea that she was broadcasting her feelings. "Jean, there is
something I want you to do. I want you to write all of your feelings
and thoughts during your stay here in a diary. You do not need to tell
me everything you write because it is private. However, you may, if
you wish, discuss anything that you write down with me."
The longer she spent with him, the more she felt like she was opening
up...getting better. She was not sure what to think about him, but she
could get to like him. "Okay, but Sir, I do not have a diary..."
He reached behind her and brought out a package wrapped in brown packaging.
"Now you do," he said, as he handed the package to her.
She carefully unwrapped the packaging. Inside was a brown leather
bound book with the word "Diary" written in gold on the cover. On the
right side of the book, there was a clasp with a gold key connected
to it by a ribbon. She lifted it up, examining it. It looked rather
expensive. "Thank you, Professor." Her facial expression was drawn out
in a look of awe. It was just like an adult's journal; it was nothing
like the cheap plastic diaries she had seen at stores.
A thin-lipped smile spread across his face. "I am glad you like it,
Jean."
Moira came walking in carrying a silver tray. There were three glasses
filled to the brim with hot cocoa. She looked at the pair and could
not help but smile. It looked like they were getting along better than
Charles had hoped. She had heard what had happened to Jean before Charles
brought her to the mansion.
Xavier turned to Moira, as did Jean. "No, donae stop on my account,"
she said with a smile.
Xavier chuckled. "We were not. We were wondering when the cocoa was
going to get here."
Her first day on the grounds was not as bad as she had expected. She
even had a little fun...something she had not thought of in a very long
time. She was able to forget herself in the moment. After the cocoa
had arrived, Professor Xavier and Ms. MacTaggert got to talking about
their past. They each told stories to her about their youth. She commented
a little on their stories when they asked, but only to be polite. Now
in bed, she thought it was a good time to start her first entry. She
picked up the diary from the empty shelf next to her bed and a pen.
Carefully, she opened the book and started writing.
Watch for part two of ShadowKitty's epic next month!
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